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Holy wall of text Batman!
But yeah, i can understand your pain a little, although i don't agree with your fixes. I don't particularly like the fact that I lose the materia i spent 20 minutes (yes, look again, 20 minutes) spiritbonding. If you're spiritbonding effectivley, it doesn't take long. I can always go and get more. Heck, I spent 3 hours spiritbonding the other day, had 25 nice shiny lvl 3 materia to show for it. Even a couple 4's.
The craft/control gate is there for a reason. You really want to get to those crafts? You'll overcome it. I've made some mistakes along the way, had to restart on all my gear, spent more money than i should, lost more materia than i should. But, i enjoy it, it's a challenge. Not many players in my server can call themselves "master crafters" and hold the "provider/builder of the realm" titles. So yeah, i want it.
Just to be clear though, I AM still stuck at 350 Craft/something control, so yeah, i know your pain.
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I don't think the materia system needs to be abolished entirely. But I do agree the overmelding requirements for high-end crafting is an extremely un-fun experience. No one enjoys high-stakes lottery with the RNG, especially when you risk big losses for so little gain.
Instead, I think the problem could be better mitigated by adding new tiers of crafting gear. There would be a more enjoyable sense of progression through visual gear upgrades. And while the upgrades could still be expensively gated through a mechanism similar to the Artisan item turn-ins, you would at least have a more direct control over your progress to get there.