Port Bastok struck again. For the record, I have ports opened, so it's not that. Checking my router's log, I found it was trying to communicate with 124.150.154.122 and one of the ports in the 50000-63534 range. Little google fu revealed the IP to be in Tokyo, and seemingly the address is in ownership of SE.

Since I have everything set and I'm finding it hard to believe it's suddenly a router issue for everyone, I decided to tracert the above IP with and without my router.

The following is performed through my router.
Code:
Microsoft Windows [Version 6.1.7601]
Copyright (c) 2009 Microsoft Corporation.  All rights reserved.

C:\Users\<omitted>>tracert 124.150.154.122

Tracing route to 124.150.154.122 over a maximum of 30 hops

  1    >1 ms    >1 ms    >1 ms  192.168.1.1
  2     *        *        *     Request timed out.
  3     8 ms     7 ms     7 ms  <omitted>
  4    15 ms    15 ms    15 ms  te-0-11-0-2-ar03.mckeesport.pa.pitt.comcast.net [68.85.75.53]
  5    14 ms    11 ms    12 ms  te-8-3-ar01.mckeesport.pa.pitt.comcast.net [69.139.195.193]
  6    19 ms    21 ms    18 ms  te-3-0-0-0-cr01.ashburn.va.ibone.comcast.net [68.86.91.129]
  7    18 ms    18 ms    17 ms  xe-10-1-0.edge2.Washington12.Level3.net [4.26.6.5]
  8    17 ms    17 ms    17 ms  vlan52.ebr2.Washington12.Level3.net [4.69.146.222]
  9    19 ms    20 ms    18 ms  ae-5-5.ebr2.Washington1.Level3.net [4.69.143.221]
 10    18 ms    20 ms    18 ms  ae-82-82.csw3.Washington1.Level3.net [4.69.134.154]
 11    19 ms    19 ms    19 ms  ae-84-84.ebr4.Washington1.Level3.net [4.69.134.185]
 12    30 ms    21 ms    31 ms  ae-4-4.ebr3.LosAngeles1.Level3.net [4.69.132.81]
 13    85 ms    85 ms    85 ms  ae-63-63.csw1.LosAngeles1.Level3.net [4.69.137.34]
 14    85 ms    85 ms    84 ms  ae-1-60.edge2.LosAngeles9.Level3.net [4.69.144.15]
 15   293 ms   204 ms   211 ms  KDDI-AMERIC.edge2.LosAngeles9.Level3.net [4.53.228.14]
 16   174 ms   173 ms   172 ms  lacbb001.kddnet.ad.jp [59.128.2.101]
 17   294 ms   290 ms   290 ms  otejbb203.kddnet.ad.jp [203.181.100.153]
 18   290 ms   291 ms   288 ms  cm-ote221.kddnet.ad.jp [118.155.197.161]
 19   289 ms   282 ms   278 ms  203.181.98.10
 20   298 ms   298 ms   297 ms  61.195.56.133
 21   287 ms   292 ms   287 ms  219.117.144.6
 22   295 ms   298 ms   299 ms  219.117.146.153
 23   287 ms   290 ms   286 ms  219.117.146.141
 24   293 ms   290 ms   286 ms  219.117.146.186
 25   298 ms   299 ms   310 ms  124.150.154.122

Trace complete.
The following is directly connected to my modem.
Code:
Microsoft Windows [Version 6.1.7601]
Copyright (c) 2009 Microsoft Corporation.  All rights reserved.

C:\Users\<omitted>>tracert 124.150.154.122

Tracing route to 124.150.154.122 over a maximum of 30 hops

  1     *        *        *     Request timed out.
  2    13 ms    12 ms    13 ms  <omitted>
  3    15 ms    16 ms    14 ms  te-0-11-0-2-ar03.mckeesport.pa.pitt.comcast.net [68.85.75.53]
  4    11 ms    11 ms    12 ms  te-8-3-ar01.mckeesport.pa.pitt.comcast.net [69.139.195.193]
  5    18 ms    17 ms    18 ms  te-3-0-0-0-cr01.ashburn.va.ibone.comcast.net [68.86.91.129]
  6    18 ms    82 ms    16 ms  xe-10-1-0.edge2.Washington12.Level3.net [4.26.6.5]
  7    18 ms    17 ms    18 ms  vlan52.ebr2.Washington12.Level3.net [4.69.146.222]
  8    19 ms    20 ms    18 ms  ae-5-5.ebr2.Washington1.Level3.net [4.69.143.221]
  9    17 ms    19 ms    18 ms  ae-82-82.csw3.Washington1.Level3.net [4.69.134.154]
 10    25 ms    21 ms    19 ms  ae-84-84.ebr4.Washington1.Level3.net [4.69.134.185]
 11    85 ms    84 ms    85 ms  ae-4-4.ebr3.LosAngeles1.Level3.net [4.69.132.81]
 12    84 ms    83 ms    87 ms  ae-63-63.csw1.LosAngeles1.Level3.net [4.69.137.34]
 13    98 ms    86 ms    84 ms  ae-1-60.edge2.LosAngeles9.Level3.net [4.69.144.15]
 14   143 ms   141 ms   142 ms  KDDI-AMERIC.edge2.LosAngeles9.Level3.net [4.53.228.14]
 15   137 ms   136 ms   139 ms  lacbb001.kddnet.ad.jp [59.128.2.101]
 16   303 ms   269 ms   249 ms  otejbb203.kddnet.ad.jp [203.181.100.153]
 17   246 ms   246 ms   247 ms  cm-ote221.kddnet.ad.jp [118.155.197.161]
 18   226 ms   225 ms   226 ms  203.181.98.10
 19   241 ms   243 ms   243 ms  61.195.56.133
 20   236 ms   239 ms   240 ms  219.117.144.6
 21   247 ms   247 ms   246 ms  219.117.146.153
 22   252 ms   250 ms   250 ms  219.117.146.141
 23   246 ms   248 ms   258 ms  219.117.146.186
 24   247 ms   242 ms   223 ms  124.150.154.122

Trace complete.
What worries me is the latency spike around the KDDI hops. Now, I know signals jumping across the Pacific can warrant a bit of increased ping, but numbers like that have me worried things are possibly getting jumbled along the way. Without my router, things go a bit faster, and surprisingly I'm able to log in to Port Bastok. If this ~50ms difference is enough to be timing people out with the 3001 error, then I dare say the servers have been configured to be a bit too sensitive.

And, well, I'm still of the stance it is something that had been tweaked along with the update.