Over the years, I've kept up with the game, via forums and places like Reddit and FFXIAH.com, even when I'm not playing. I actually came back after several years a few months ago, and throughout those years I still checked the site and forums frequently, since I do love this game. During that time I'd read through all of the complaints that people have about the game, and while some of them can't, I can safely say many of them can be rectified and stem from one main problem:
It's your server.
Transferring my characters to Asura was by far one of the best decisions I've made in FFXI. I wish I had done it years ago, I'd have probably quit the game a lot less. My old server took a deep nosedive in population around WOTG and it only got worse over time. During the Abyssea/Voidwatch era I basically no longer knew anyone who still played, and my server was small so meeting other players and getting content done was nearly impossible at times. One of the prime issues with playing on a small server I've noticed is that it's very segregated - the communities are already formed and are generally unwelcoming to new or returning players. They have their cliques, and to be fair to them despite my belief that cliquey style of play is detrimental to the game, they probably don't need new players in their LS anyway.
A major complaint I've found from those who do not play on Asura are in regards to not being invited to content due to the job they play. I honestly have not encountered this problem very often on Asura, and usually when I did a little communication was all that was needed to be invited. Sometimes people just don't know what certain jobs are capable of since they aren't played as often.
I don't know why SE won't do server merges. They claim that not enough people are asking for them. Well duh, they all quit the game because their servers are dead since they won't do merges and you can't post on the forums unless your account is active. And it's sad, because IMO, FFXI is currently the best it's ever been. 6 man EXP parties along with SCs and MBs are back, there is SO much to do, and content varies all the way from solo to full alliance and more. Travel times and experience points required have been significantly cut, making the game much more accessible to even those with little play time. However, your amount of playtime won't matter if you're spending that time on a server with so few people to play with - and who probably only play during peak times anyway. You'll spend most of your time LOOKING for players, whereas on Asura it doesn't take much shouting to get things going. So I think many returning players deserve to come back and experience the current FFXI, but they're not going to find it enjoyable on the majority of these low pop servers.
Do you remember what it's like to see people actively running around the 3 starting cities? To see players with ?s by their names, to see constant shouts looking for members for content and EXP? Heck, quite often I join parties for content at 4 AM in the morning on weekdays. That would NEVER happen on my old server.
If I sound like I'm trying to sell you my server... well, I am. As I said I have read many complaints - and had complaints of my own - over the years that were immediately extinguished once I gave in and made the move to Asura. Which, I'd like to mention is the first time in my 18 years of MMOing that I have transferred to another server. If you're like me, you are loyal to your home, as well as the people that you met there. It's something that I've always disagreed with doing and have never been able to bring myself to do before. But like myself, I meet people in-game and on various forums who also say that moving to Asura was one of the best decisions they've made. And I know there are others who both currently play and would definitely enjoy returning if they'd only take that first difficult step.
Enjoy FFXI again. Come to Asura. It's your server.