Carrying is when you're doing most if not all the work, which can be considered help. The difference people make is if you're doing something for them constantly and they don't have any initiative to get good on their own they rely on you basically and want you to accelerate them to end game where they didn't do much to deserve it or give back in any meaningful way VS. they do most the stuff themselves but sometimes ask for help with harder mobs and also give back to the LS. The only degrees is

1) do they put in their own work on their own time, to get better and have a desire to get better under their own power, or they rely on you to make events and organize things for them? The first is acceptable the second isn't. Ex. Will only get capacity points if a campaign is up, someone else organizes the party, and the CP is fantastic and they don't have to do much. Soloing CP can help you understand your job in more ways, it gives you a metric to measure yourself and more reasons to better your gear: faster capacity points.
2) Do they give back to the LS as much as they take out, or put in MORE than they take out, or are they basically leeches and only show up when it benefits them to do so and always the ones asking for help? How helpful are they? Even if you're not geared there is a lot of ways to help a LS so there is really no excuses. The first two ways are acceptable, the last is not. Ex. People who only show up to events if it has clears or gears they need, and will never show up otherwise.

Some people tend to think they have less play time, so it's justified they should be able to leech and not give much in return. That isn't so. If you don't have the time to play after work and all else is done, play to the time you have. No one likes a person who looks for excuses to be unfair to others. Give back if you take, and if you have too limited time, accept you can't get all your in game goals done in any short amount of time. It's really that simple.

It's very easy for a LS leader or event organizer to tell which kind of person you are, for one thing they deal with it relatively constantly and for another they aren't stupid. Whatever you do, you start to get a reputation. The #1 way I've seen returning/new players get into endgame is from recommendations from veteran players. You aren't gonna get those recommendations trying to pressure and cajole your way into gear, you get it by being the real deal which you become by doing the work. Which should be fun, the game has a lot to experience and offer, a lot of great storylines and central characters, and a lot of unique battle systems and content. Enjoy the journey instead of focusing only on the end.