as to gear, unless your main is one of the ToAU or Campaign added jobs you can just get your AF and ride that until you can get 78, then get the el cheapo crap in Abyssea, that'll tide you through to AF3 +1. That's good enough gear to allow you to join (and contribute) to groups farming the current end-game stuff. You prolly have the conquest points to get conquest gear now, or you could always get your RSE. for that matter, crow set is available to most jobs, it's decent to get you to AF, farm the mats and just shout for a crafter, plenty around. Remember to tip them.

weapons/jewelry is another matter. if you have a good LS you should be able to borrow something until you get 75 and can start an Empy or 2, regardless of whether you choose elemental, the TP one or the full empy. however, if you are just a casual player (and it sounds like you are if you are doing this around work) fair warning, it's one hell of a grind. Jewelry, you can get serviceable drops from gold chests in Aby once you reach those levels that will tide you through to the good stuff. CoP reward rings are still nice, and the earring from ArkAngels is senerally serviceable as well. At 50? well you could try some BCNM spam. Also, make friends with the crafters in your LS, you might get SOMETHING for the slot from what they are making as vendor trash.

Regardless, you'll still be gimp to anyone who considers themselves elite, but you'll still be able to get things done if you are any good.