Was my leader wrong to do this?

[geekgirl101]

My group leader assured me he does this all the time and that other alliances are cool with this. Last night a party of us were in an alliance to go farm lights and once we had enough to then go do some VNMs. From what I remember my group leader saying he told the alliance leader we just needed lights and we would stick around for the VNMs, and the alliance leader was cool with it. It was gonna be a long-term party, however the alliance leader decided to leave near the very beginning and while my party was branched out doing some easy NM farming and frogs for TE's the rest of the alliance decided to head out to farm xp on worms. After we had enough lights my group leader thanked the alliance for the lights and we dissolved our group to go and do some VNM farming on our own since we weren't there to xp. I was a little shocked at what he did, so I asked him if he was supposed to do that and he assured me that it was.

However the new alliance leader didn't think that, she was a friend of mine and we'd been doing things together for a little while and just starting out to make a good friend bond. She told me what my group leader did was, in more nicer terms, a terrible thing to do and was just there to farm lights, and despite me trying to assure her that was the norm she was very angry and resulted in our friendship dissolving.

Was what he did ok or was it a wrong thing to do? I'm very confused now and have lost a good friend and I don't know whether she was overreacting or if she was right.

[Zaknafein]

As long as your leader was up front about only going to cap lights I don't see that being douchey. Problem arose when the alliance leader bounced, and the new leader might not have know of that arrangement?

[Runespider]

If your group joined an XP alliance knowing full well you were just there to leech others work and then leave so the new leader would have to fill the large void your group left then yes it's very rude. How can you not see that? You basically did nothing for them because now they have to relight the large group of replacing players.

If what you state was the norm XP would be impossible because nobody would bother to make lights, they would just leech an XP alliance and then dump it. Maybe I'm just not as thick skinned as some but as lazy as I can be I would not do this, it's incredibly rude.

If it's a prior arrangement then it should be stated in party for everyone to see, if I had to take over an XP alliance and 1/3 of the group did that I would be pretty annoyed too.

[geekgirl101]

Yeah I think that was the problem, the new alliance leader didn't know of the arrangement and was under the assumption we were in for an xp party and not a lights/VNM party. I can understand how she must've thought we were leeching for lights and then ditching the alliance once lights were capped and leaving her team short. Personally I didn't know of the arrangement until after we did the deed, otherwise I'd have told her we were light/VNM farming and not xp farming. I even failed to notice my group leader announce when we entered in /p we were light farming and before we left he announced again in /p we were gonna frog burn for time and some guy said "ok", he FC'd 2hr's worth and then we left.

I wasn't sure if this was normal behaviour for a party with intentions of farming lights to do something like this. It's only after some thought that I've realised that it's actually a good way of light farming, providing the rest of the alliance know we're there to farm lights and then go our separate ways.

Dang...I feel bad now. No wonder she was so mad at me if she didn't know that's what we were supposed to be doing. Thanks for helping me clarify what went on last night, the whole ordeal cost me a nights' of sleep worrying. I can finally sleep...that is once I attone with my friend about what happened, hoping she hasn't blacklisted me for life.

[Runespider]

My group leader assured me he does this all the time and that other alliances are cool with this.

When I go out with my friends and we don't have much money I tell them we can just steal some from random people along the way, I am sure to tell them that its ok and everyone everywhere is cool with it though. Just cause your group leader says it's cool and everyone is ok with it that does not make it so, ***. >_>

Building your own lights isn't even hard, he is lazy ***.

[Annahya]

When I go out with my friends and we don't have much money I tell them we can just steal some from random people along the way, I am sure to tell them that its ok and everyone everywhere is cool with it though. Just cause your group leader says it's cool and everyone is ok with it that does not make it so, ***. >_>

Building your own lights isn't even hard, he is lazy ***.

While I agree that it is not hard to farm lights - this is not an appropriate analogy, and the assertions made are inaccurate.

If the lead in quetion has successfully made arrangments in the past, with relative frequency, then there is nothing wrong with his/her statement.

To the OPs question: I think the "blame" in this instance falls equally on the departing alliance lead for not passing the arrangment on to their replacement, as well as on your party lead not confirming, quickly, that the new lead is aware of what is going to happen. While I certainly understand how this situation would make you feel bad - I likely would too, on some level - I don't think you, personally, did anything wrong (based solely on the description you provided).

I would likely contact this friend and explain your concern, apologize that you were part of something that upset them, and ask for their understanding that if you knew they were unaware (or were more aware of the situation yourself), you would have said something. If they remain upset with you after this, then you are likely better off not being friends with someone who would drop you over a simple misunderstanding.

My two-cents, anyway.
~Anna

[Ravenmore]

Its not different then poeple capping lights when scars came out to go solo farm base feet. She over reacted, since its only exp and since you were even killing for exp. It would have ended no different then if your leader told her from the start. On top of it really 2 dds and a healer is enough to farm TEs and make great exp.

[Runespider]

Its not different then poeple capping lights when scars came out to go solo farm base feet. She over reacted, since its only exp and since you were even killing for exp. It would have ended no different then if your leader told her from the start. On top of it really 2 dds and a healer is enough to farm TEs and make great exp.

Have you joined many pickup xp groups? I'd say you are extremely lucky if 1-2 have any atmas at all, try what you just said with 2 DD and a mage with no atmas. Also it's kinda different for 1-2 people to do it than 1/3 of the alliance (some possibly on hard to rep jobs) and even worse to do it to a friend, basically making them replace your group that just bailed on them...this aside from the fact they pretty much did nothing for the xp alliance at all since once they capped lights they bailed. I would of at least stayed an hour or so to give something back to the people I leeched off.

This is no different than joining a pickup group for seals and bailing right after you get that 1 seal you needed, nevermind you are the only healer or on an important proc job. You can rep them but it's still rude and selfish and even worse to do it to a friend.

[Annahya]

Have you joined many pickup xp groups? I'd say you are extremely lucky if 1-2 have any atmas at all, try what you just said with 2 DD and a mage with no atmas. Also it's kinda different for 1-2 people to do it than 1/3 of the alliance (some possibly on hard to rep jobs) and even worse to do it to a friend, basically making them replace your group that just bailed on them...this aside from the fact they pretty much did nothing for the xp alliance at all since once they capped lights they bailed. I would of at least stayed an hour or so to give something back to the people I leeched off.

This is no different than joining a pickup group for seals and bailing right after you get that 1 seal you needed, nevermind you are the only healer or on an important proc job. You can rep them but it's still rude and selfish and even worse to do it to a friend.

This argument holds weight in a situation where there was not an existing agreement - which in this instance, there supposedly was. Also, the OP did not do it to a friend, the party lead and previous alliance lead did it to the new alliance lead. Nothing about this states whether or not the new alliance lead was friends with the people "at fault" here. I suppose a compassionate gesture could have been done by the OP, such as leaving the party and returning to the alliance, but if all things considered are true, then this would have been charitable, but not socially required.

Again, your analogy does not work. It would be appropriate if we were discussing a seal party in which there was an understanding that the leaving member would only be staying long enough to get their own seals. Now, not many seal parties would like this arrangement, but if they agreed to it and invited said player, they really have no room to complain when said player leaves. But, as I said previously, if the leader of this party changes, it is the responsiblity of the outgoing leader to explain any deals like this to their replacement - so that if the replacement lead wants to address the issue they can.

While you may disagree with this practice, you cannot lose sight of the fact that in this situation there was (supposedly) a pre-existing agreement that changes the dynamic. In many (not all) situations, I would disagree with this practice, and would not have included members in my alliance who intended to do such; but in the situation given, the alliance leader chose to include them, (allegedly) understanding this would come to pass.

All things considered, there was no wrong-doing in leaving - only in how that leaving was handled (including the new alliance lead).

[Ravenmore]

Have you joined many pickup xp groups? I'd say you are extremely lucky if 1-2 have any atmas at all, try what you just said with 2 DD and a mage with no atmas. Also it's kinda different for 1-2 people to do it than 1/3 of the alliance (some possibly on hard to rep jobs) and even worse to do it to a friend, basically making them replace your group that just bailed on them...this aside from the fact they pretty much did nothing for the xp alliance at all since once they capped lights they bailed. I would of at least stayed an hour or so to give something back to the people I leeched off.

This is no different than joining a pickup group for seals and bailing right after you get that 1 seal you needed, nevermind you are the only healer or on an important proc job. You can rep them but it's still rude and selfish and even worse to do it to a friend.

Its exp people know what they are getting into from the start. Also wasn't that good of a friend if the other player took it out on him instead of the party leader who thought they had a agreement, or the other player was trying to guilt trip the OP after agreeing to the arrangment. Read the OP rune the OP thought they had a agreement, which for all we know she also agreed to it but wanted to try to guilt her friend into ditching his group to come back to a EXP party. On top of the way the OP stated they weren't even in xp range so all they were doing was farming lights. So out of the 10 other people they can't keep going on scars zone trash they have more problems then a few people leaving.