It's not my intention to make anything personal. I'm simply pointing out that there's a difference between blaming the victim and criticizing someone's handling of a situation.
While it's true that no one should be forced to change their name to conceal their identity from stalkers, the fact remains that it's generally a smart thing to do. Using the same name on multiple servers and games simply leaves you significantly more vulnerable than you would be if you had changed your name(s).
Posting your own name online is also not the only way for it to appear online. Unless you have absolutely no interaction with other players in-game, other people may not take your character name's privacy as seriously as you do. People may make threads about a linkshell, or an event gone awry, or any number of things that may mention your character name on forums and show up on a google search. Back when linkshell recruitment was a bigger deal, BG used to host cross-server background checks on linkshell applicants. The Gimp/wtf/confused player thread hosts hundreds of characters/character names without the owner's consent. Any FFXIAH or BG player warning may mention players without their consent/approval.
What ever preventative measures you did take, I can only infer based on what measures I know you did not take. You may have the most powerful anti-intrusion software on the planet installed on your computer, but that doesn't help at all if someone knows your username and/or password. No matter what advanced measures you take, if the very simple things like your username remain the same, people can still find you.
Relavent: http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php...&id=2237#comic
I understand your reluctance to change your username. But I think there's a fair point to be made that it's the first thing you should be changing if you're really serious about avoiding a stalker.

