I need help understanding different personality types!

[JackHatchet]

Ok, so I've seen a few posts about people with autism. And I've met a few people here and there. But despite being around these folks for years--I still feel like I'm missing something completely.

I don't understand how people will claim they don't belong. They don't fit, or they suffer with social interactions. And I want to know from people with autism how I'm handling the situation.

As I've said, I've interacted with a few autistic people in the past. They'll tell me that society doesn't get them. And I respond saying something like "As long as you're not lying to me, we're all cool!" Then we kinda drift apart. As far as I'm aware, I'm not doing anything to push these people away. But I'm also not entirely sure why they say society is against them. I give them tolerance--and they float away anyways.

Are they looking for some kind of response from me beyond tolerance? I'm not really a coddling person. I'm really just a chill laid back person. I do my thing. You do your thing, and I won't judge as long as you're not trashing my thing.

I guess it just feels unfair when I get lumped into the "society hates me" group, when I feel like I try to be very accommodating with mental-illness and such.

[JackHatchet]

I get that friendships are two-way, but I can't always be the one to initiate conversation. Yet it always feels like that.

[Amariel34]

This is just me, but it's not so much that I "drift away" from people. It's more that I really really suck at small talk. Unless I have something to say or talk about, I don't talk with people. Small talk is hard for me as most of the time I just don't care for it.

Also, in general, people with autism find conversing hard. We tend to not grasp social norms or non-verbal cues. We can ramble on and on and not realize the other person has tuned out or wants us to shut up. We tend to "over share" information. Subtlety is hard to grasp, as can be sarcasm. Our brains work and process stuff differently than those without autism, which is why we're seen as "weird." This causes us to be ostracized from others and, most of the time, bullied in school. Most of us WANT to make friends, we just find it very hard to. And that's not even including the emotional/mental stuff that can come with it, which I won't get in to.

Anyway, I'll hush up for now. Autism is different from person to person, but this is how it is for me. Others may be different.

[Melichoir]

There's online resources about the condition and what to expect and how it varies. Brushing up on that can help with interacting with people who do have Autism. However, there is still a componant to it that is out of your control and isnt autism. Some people are just awkward, or use their condition as a reason not to do things that are part of more normal everyday parlance. Things like this can be helped out with them seeking therapy and what not to help address or adapt to those issues. But it relies on them actually wanting to go get help and work on themselves. If they have no desire to do so, there's not much you can do at the end of the day (without completely compromising yourself, but at that point it's not a healthy relation/interaction).

Just brush up on the info, and be open to people. And if people drift and you know you put in effort and tried to be welcoming, well, thats all there is to it. Shrug shoulders and be your own person. If they come to and try, then be open to that. Pretty simple.

[JackHatchet]

This is just me, but it's not so much that I "drift away" from people. It's more that I really really suck at small talk. Unless I have something to say or talk about, I don't talk with people. Small talk is hard for me as most of the time I just don't care for it.

Also, in general, people with autism find conversing hard. We tend to not grasp social norms or non-verbal cues. We can ramble on and on and not realize the other person has tuned out or wants us to shut up. We tend to "over share" information. Subtlety is hard to grasp, as can be sarcasm. Our brains work and process stuff differently than those without autism, which is why we're seen as "weird." This causes us to be ostracized from others and, most of the time, bullied in school. Most of us WANT to make friends, we just find it very hard to. And that's not even including the emotional/mental stuff that can come with it, which I won't get in to.

Anyway, I'll hush up for now. Autism is different from person to person, but this is how it is for me. Others may be different.

What's the difference between small talk and over-sharing? I guess to me all talk is talk.

[EmeraldHill]

There are much better places to seek help than an MMO's forum. How does this pertain to FFXIV at all?

[Amariel34]

What's the difference between small talk and over-sharing? I guess to me all talk is talk.

Small talk would be like the weather, the other person talking about their kids, etc. Just mundane everyday stuff.

Over-sharing would be things like talking about our personal problems, personal health issues, etc. Usually when the other person didn't even ask to know and usually with a lot of details. xD

[Yllania]

There are much better places to seek help than an MMO's forum. How does this pertain to FFXIV at all?

I'm kind of questioning the intent behind the thread, since information on the matter isn't hard to find if you even try to look.

[JackHatchet]

There are much better places to seek help than an MMO's forum. How does this pertain to FFXIV at all?

It's come up quite a bit in the FFXIV community. It's amazing that you haven't noticed it yet.

I feel like it does matter when it comes to community building. To have positive and constructive discussions on such things. The problem with your solution, is that it actively discourages interactive learning. If I want to learn more about autism--the BEST way to do it is to engage in conversations with people who have autism. Reading a wiki page or a support group isn't going to give me the answers I'm looking for. Especially if I get confused and have questions. A word document isn't an interactive source of learning.

But I also think that's a bigger problem with mental-illness. For those who don't have it--to be patronized for trying to understand just seems to undermine the whole concept. If people like you are going to criticize people like me when I try to learn about mental-illness--then why try? I could just keep doing things my way. As if it matters to my life whether I learn how to handle people are different. But you know what? I'm trying, because I care. And you shouldn't be negative about that.

[JackHatchet]

Small talk would be like the weather, the other person talking about their kids, etc. Just mundane everyday stuff.

Over-sharing would be things like talking about our personal problems, personal health issues, etc. Usually when the other person didn't even ask to know and usually with a lot of details. xD

I have to admit. I'm still confused! What's the difference between one person's kids, or one person's health issues? Aren't those both personal issues? I mean, kids are a big part of someone's life. They're not just a fluff topic like the weather. Is there a possible disconnect between discerning where the line is between fluff and personal?