Humor Thread: Give an NPC a Backstory

[CainCrimson]

Name: Kenelm Foal
Location: X: 22a Y: 16.3
Backstory:
Kenelm is a descendant of the evil warlord Blood Skin, named because he rubbed the blood of each defeated enemy onto his naked body. Kenelm is not aware of his relation to this madman, but every time a blood soaked adventurer passes through...he smiles inside.

[Knahli]

Jacob Roads was a bright-eyed young lad who had a simple dream of joining the Brass Blades like his father before him. Unfortunately, tragedy struck when a wayward, panicked chocobo caught him by surprise and trampled over the helpless youth, costing him his sight. Horrified and guilt-ridden by the damage caused by one of his birds, the man responsible swore to devote his life to making amends for his mistake and aid the young Jacob in any way he could.

As part of the deal, the timid lalafel subjected himself to frequent, mock scoldings under the blinded Jacob to help convince his fellow Blades that nothing were amiss so that he may continue to live his dream.


Unfortunately, Jacob never did manage to get a look at the man before his sight was taken from him, and so continues to this day to treat the lalafel as though he were someone of.... taller... stature, much to the confusion of his superiors and passers-by alike.

[CainCrimson]

Name: Oslaco Horelaco
Location: X: 11.4 Y: 11.3
Backstory:
Oslaco is a womanizer, a heart breaker. Fully aware of the affect his "cute" appearance has on females of varying races. Spending his time fishing for fresh starry eyed female adventurers at the Drowning Wench. His dream is to one day conquer the heart of the immaculate Merlwyb Bloefhiswyn, only to toss her aside for the next prize like the little bastard he is.

[CainCrimson]

Name: Keimlona Caepwyn
Location: X: 11.9 Y: 13.4
Backstory:
Keimlona and her two attractive gold digging friends have traveled to Limsa Lominsa in search of riches by any 'legal' means necessary. They are determined to woo every merchant, sweet talk every pirate and drain every last drop of gil from the suckers in this town. Watch your pockets adventurers.

[CainCrimson]

Name: Ledont Zauresand
Location: X: 21.7 Y: 21.0
Backstory: Behold the courageous Eftman! Wine attendant by day, costumed protector of justice by night! Ledont leads a modest life and truly cares for the well being of others. Despite him being in peak physical and mental Elezen condition he never has to fight any major crime. As there's always a steady stream of 'warriors of light' eager to fight whatever the next bad thing is.

[CainCrimson]

Name: Saebald Cartwright
Location: X: 20.1 Y: 16.2
Backstory: Saebald is not a fan of the Western Thanalan heat, to put it lightly. He only moved there based on rumors from his drama and gossip obsessed friend Reginald. The main rumor being "Thanalan has more boys in bunny suits than you can shake a yew branch at". So Saebald jumped on the first transport to Horizon, thirsty AF. If only they'd warned him of the heat.