Tips on being a mentor but not sounding bossy

[bswpayton]

Totally serious question, seems the more I play the more things I tend to notice now. Let me start by sayin in no way am I a perfect player at all but I do try and have a desire to be a good player and learn daily. So Ive noticed that it seems players are far less likely to ask for help in an instance since sb started at least from my runs it seems.

But Ive notice to many little things that Id like to maybe suggest to newer players but sometimes I just feel like its best to shut up. For instance last night was doing the msq roullete take it this is level 50 content. But its still just no excuse to me , for a player to be wearing a level 23 ring in a level 50 dungeon. Or in this same instance I saw a bard with a caster ring on and it was even level 36. Even in face roll content should something be said I just dont know anymore. Even with friends what do you do , when they are clearly playing a job wrong and u want to help but dont wana seem like a bosses person. Its just so many instances I can think of where as a mentor are just really as a vet player you could help people just on the core basics. But I tend to not want to be confrontational and then get frustrated if someone doesnt listen to decent advice. Im not talkin about midmax rotations stuff like that but just basic stuff how do other mentors approach these things, is it best to just stay quite are should one speak up when they can?

[ElHeggunte]

Even in face roll content should something be said

Yes, absolutely. You may have those players who just don't care or are intentionally sandbagging, but I would say a fair amount of "bad" players are only bad because no one has ever bothered to correct them. Of course, some players may respond negatively to sound advice or will otherwise continue to drag the group down, but you wont know until you try and that's also why you have the option to initiate a vote dismiss.

And since I know someone is going to whine about me suggesting removing another player from a group for "not playing perfectly" or whatever other anti-elitist nonsense you want to spew I'll get this out of the way: Hell yes, you'd better believe I'll remove someone from a group for more or less intentionally dragging the group down. He may not be obligated to take anyone's advice, but the group is equally free from obligation to have to put up with his shenanigans.

[Destructothor]

I noticed it's a completely mixed bag. Sometimes people welcome advice, sometimes they completely ignore you as though you're talking to someone else (must be the OTHER tank in the 4 man they're telling to use flash), and other times they act indignant and will curse you out for a kindly put suggestion. I think it's best not to talk about gear, so I only stick to gameplay advice. A lot of the time you'll get a thank you, but if they go the ignore route, I'll usually repeat myself once more then just deal with it as it comes. If they get mad for you suggesting maybe they could use an aoe attack when you're pulling 12 mobs instead of single attacking because single attacking is much faster and more efficient, then I suggest just shutting up and once more just dealing with it, because there's no possible way they're going to listen to you if that sets them off.

[Raqrie_Tohka]

Absolutely, you gotta try them first. Don't be shy. See their attitude. Then decide. Offer actual help, like pointing out exactly where he can get the replacement gear.

If it's MSQ with 8 people and you noticed his underlevelled ring though, that's a bit awkward (I mean, you click everyone and scan their gear..?) so don't say it in party chat, let that one go. He's probably having a bad enough time being pressured to skip all the cutscenes, or still pressured if he didn't.

If you are going to point out a valid point though like a caster ring on a bard, then make it funny, humorous, and quality writing. And they can still tell you to shut up because they are having a headache at that time and honestly that by itself is not a vote kick reason ... Just think of how they will feel after the bossy mentor vote-kicked them because he said he had a headache and just wanted to clear the dungeon.

So, you realize as a mentor you are there to help. Nothing was required of you, nothing expected of you. You don't have to be the efficiency police. You are not the efficiency police. You are there to "help". So if you actually can help, then it's a minor miracle. The devs and GMs should come out like they did on Moonfire Faire and thank you. Realize that it's not easy, nor required for you to even help, much less be bossy while at it, as long as you are actually "helping". But don't go off shielding the sprout from harassment just yet ... you will only start fighting and bossing at the harasser. Defuse the situation. Simply be the help, not perform the help. Realize that being of "help" means making the run more enjoyable for all. Reach that state, achieve enlightenment ... and argghhh I can't make this stuff up anymore. xD You see how one can literally say anything and not make it seem bossy now? While enclosing the truth in what they say? ^^ Good luck. Hope I was of "help" xD I mean, in the end, they've gotta help themselves.

[ffchampion]

if you are doing the mentor roulette what i'd personally advise is as you load in just a simple message saying something like "hello, i've joined from the mentor roulette. if you have questions please feel free to ask"

[Avatre]

Most of the time, it depends on how you phrase it. More people are accepting of advice if it's more along the lines of:

"Hey, here is something that helped me when I was learning X role"

as opposed to:

"Start using X skill more noob"

While those are both not really what you could be saying, the way it is said is definitely what can get people's attention, or dismissal of your advice.

[Saiah]

You could try formulating your advice differently. Instead of telling someone to do something like getting different accesories or using a specific ability. Ask them why they arent doing it in the first place.

[bswpayton]

Absolutely, you gotta try them first. Don't be shy. See their attitude. Then decide. Offer actual help, like pointing out exactly where he can get the replacement gear.
.

well we waited for some to watch the cut scenes so i was bored I use to never check gear literally ever. I just been doing it now lately its actually pretty scary sometimes what you may find. I like what they did with the gear how they put everything in insgard for 50 to 60 , maybe they should do that with the arr venders prob no reason not to at this point Ishgard and stop excluding right side pieces and maybe some of the under gear issues would stop.

[Cenerae]

Ask the person if they would like some advice. If they seem amenable to it, then you should be fine to go ahead and tell them what you wanted, without worrying that they're not going to listen. If they ignore you or respond in the negative, then don't say anything else.

Better to ask them in the last minute or so of the run, too. That way you're not holding up everyone else and they won't necessarily feel singled out as much, since the others are sure to book it the moment the final boss is down.

[bswpayton]

Most of the time, it depends on how you phrase it. More people are accepting of advice if it's more along the lines of:

"Hey, here is something that helped me when I was learning X role"

Your totally right, now I feel bad last night I asked a rdm (was leveling my dragoon) why they wernt using scatter on the pull after second boss but really I notice it the whole dungeon. I could have said you know scatter works better on multiple mobs instead of why arent u using scatter. I guess I get so triggered by players not aoeing I couldnt help myself but I will definitively try to be more polite about it now.