You've really narrowed the issue to the core problem, and made a very valid point I didn't realise about the way I play games (hardcore =P) compared to the way SE designed it; trying to balance hardcore with casual retention, all while keeping everyone engaged in all the content so no one gets left behind. I just wish there were some middle-ground between the two ideas. I know it exists, I've played more than enough MMOs to know there's more than one way of doing this, but I'm too weary and unmotivated to hypothesise what that might be and how it might fit into the FFXIV framework.
Thanks again for your response.